How are you doing?
That’s the question I’m asking you today. Why? Well because I asked myself the same question today when I went for a long walk to quiet my head and heart. On my route I always meet someone who knows me and today was no different. I crossed someone on my walking route and they asked me, “hey, are you okay?”. To which I replied, “yeah, yeah, all good and you?”. It was a brief greeting after which I continued on my way. But wait… everything all right? No, all is not well today because I have just had 2 rotten weeks professionally and personally and yesterday I really closed the day in a f****ng way. (excuse my foul language) So why am I telling people that I’m doing well?
Why we don’t express our real feelings.
Why don’t we just express our real feelings and dare not just say that things are NOT going well and that we would rather scream or cry? I philosophized about that question on several occasions with friends and also my daughter. My daughter Gina even inspired me to write a piece about it in my third book “Move Yourself Slim and Happy.” (Translation from Dutch upcoming 2023)
First of all, I think we don’t always tell the truth because we want to protect ourselves. Saying things aren’t going well makes you vulnerable and then you can get hurt. And we don’t want that. It is also a good thing not to tell just anyone what is going on in your head and heart, so you need people to whom you can talk freely without them soothing you. That can be a friend, girlfriend or family member but also a therapist or mentor. I believe very strongly in the power of therapy and took an in-depth course myself years ago when my marriage was not going well with the late Pieterjan, my psychotherapist. That really helped me, I felt safe with him. As far as I am concerned, it is quite ok and also wise to think carefully about who is allowed to see your insides.
A second reason why we are not honest is also that in this society the books are full of those cut-quotes about being happy…. Do you sometimes puke at that too? I am an eternal positivist to the sometimes exasperating point for those who are not but sometimes those hollow quotes can come out of my ears. They also make many people just unhappy. I notice this in my practice where people have really been stuck for years thinking that something is wrong with them because they are not always hopping around with happiness. It is very normal and just very natural to have bad moments and bad days. Those are part of life.
How do you find out how you are doing?
In my method TAKE YOU TIME, the most important pillar is yourself. I call that pillar YOU because ultimately everything starts with you. Good health and weight, a tight and fit body, good fitness, sleep patterns, healthy eating, … it’s all not that hard unless you don’t start with that first step: YOU. That’s what I do as a mentor with my clients and the reason I want to inspire you with my books, blog and social media. Now, what techniques do you use for probing for the question “how are you doing”?
One of the techniques is simply and long walk. After all, walking according to my method not only has its benefits for your physical health it is also beneficial for your mental well-being. To really ask the question to yourself I do recommend walking without a phone, without a smartwatch, without music in your ears. Really be in the moment and ask yourself silently or better yet, aloud the question, “how am I doing?”. Have a kind of conversation with yourself just as if you would with your best friend, girlfriend or a mentor.
For the next technique, you need a mirror: it can be the mirror in your bathroom or the mirror in the sun visor in your car. Look deeply into your eyes, breathe deeply in and out and ask yourself the questions. Ask them until you dare to be honest with yourself. Weeping, cursing, yelling, …. it’s all ok.
What you can also do is sit quietly in a cozy corner with a cup of herbal tea and write the question on paper in your journal. Write yourself a letter about how you are doing. All powerful exercises that I also use in my practice.
Why am I asking you these questions?
I ask you these questions because I know that many are so distant from their real feelings and bury them. This leads to a lot of problems: dissatisfaction at work, burnout, weight problems, eating disorders, emo eating, back pain, muscle pain, health problems, …. In my opinion, it makes absolutely no sense to coach someone to better health without first starting by working on yourself. This is why the YOU pillar in my 7 pillar method TAKE YOU TIME is the most important and why I keep working on it with my clients until they get it. Wellbeing starts with yourself. (I wrote other articles about this including this one: click here to read it) Until they realize this there is no point in working with them on their diet or getting them to exercise or train. That way, I then anchor the good lifestyle habits in their lives once and for all. The moment they say, “hey Lies, your method is simple! I didn’t know this was possible. I don’t need you anymore.” When I hear that then I know I lost a client but succeeded in my mentoring. That makes me intensely happy.
My name is Lies Helsloot and I call myself the first TAKE YOU TIME™ Expert. I am the author of 3 health books (“Walk Yourself Slim & Happy. How taking More Steps can Change Your Life”, “Move yourself slim and happy”(English translation coming soon) and “The Complete Guide to healthy Hair“), I blog here at takeyoutime.com and coach individual clients, groups and companies around the world to a happy, healthy life and more work-life balance with my 7-step concept of self-care called TAKE YOU TIME™. For more motivation and free training and challenges, be sure to sign up for the newsletter on this site and follow me on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube. Or get in touch to know about my online- and coaching programs.
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